What?

Funny student answer to a short essay question:
Students had to finish the following phrases
1. I still believe...
2. I used to believe, but don't any longer...
3. I know longer believe this because...

One student wrote, "I no longer believe that George Washington was the first person in America. I don't believe this, because I really believe that African-Americans were the first people in America. They were here before anybody."

What?

I almost wrote, I don't believe George Washington was the first person in America either. And what's that about the African-Americans? What happened to the Native Americans?

I laughed really hard at this one.

A Sweet New Year's Eve

This was the first year my kids made it to midnight. They are ten, and I had serious doubts as to whether they were going to make it. But they did. I have to say that I'm the one hitting the wall right now. I sucking down coffee as I type, trying to rejuvenate myself.

We started off the evening by going to a 4:45pm movie of The Adventures of Tin-Tin. My plan had been to go to a later movie, but those tricky movie owners scheduled only 3-D movies in the evening, which of course made the price of tickets higher. I was really reticent to go see this movie. We had seen Hugo over Thanksgiving. It was so bad. There's a reason the general public does not talk about Hugo and how good it was. The critics may love it, but it was so boring. I thought I was going to die. I knew we were in trouble with that movie when the first five minutes of the movie had no dialogue-at all. I know what they were doing. I know this was an homage to silent movies, but I felt like I was in a silent movie; and I wanted out. But Tin-Tin was pretty good. I could definitely tell that Stephen Spielberg directed it. It was kind of like Indiana Jones meets cartoons, but it was enjoyable.

Then we came home and had a late dinner of tacos. After they took showers, we watched Ryan Seacrest. The problem was that Ryan cut off here in Kansas at 10pm. I know this was because of the delay. Ryan came back at 11:30, but what do I let my 10 year olds watch for the next hour? We went to MTV because Demi Lovato and Selena Gomez were on there. I thought it was ironic that bad boy MTV had two former Disney stars on their show, but I have to hand it to MTV. When their show was on, it was pretty wholesome, at least I felt it was watchable for my ten year olds. But MTV's commercials suck! They were either scary, like advertising for horror movies, or they were vulgar. So I would switch to Fox's NYE program, which actually was the most wholesome show on! At 11pm, we were reduced to watching Animal Planet's "Cute Puppies", and it was pretty darn cute. Finally, midnight inched forward, and we watched as the ball dropped down. Although, my daughter remarked, "Am I the only one who can't see it?" When I pointed on the TV to it, she was very unimpressed. I do agree with her and think that it could be a little more impressive. But maybe its cheesiness is what makes it so American and cherished. Who knows?

With ten seconds to go, we counted down, then went outside and banged spoons on pots. They loved it, and it was a sweet reminder to me that the simplest things can be the sweetest.

Good Bye 2011

First, goodbye holidays; and I have to say thank goodness! It's always great to be with the family during the holidays, but it's always so great to have it finished! It's fascinating to me that my sister and I were raised by the same parents, but when we all get together for more than two days, all of our differences come out in a big way. And boy can it get stressful! Please let me remember that when my kids become adults if I go visit I do not stay more than three days. Three is the magic number. So, I blow the holidays a big kiss goodbye.

I have two resolutions. I want to write an hour everyday, no matter what. It's going to be tough on the days I teach and have the kids. I just get so worn out. But I am going to do it. Wouldn't it be great if I could actually get a YA Adult novel written and published. I may be dreaming.

The other resolution is to be more social with groups of friends (not work!). This can be really difficult for me. I am naturally an introvert and shy, so I really have to gear up. It is so difficult to go into a group of people I don't know and introduce myself. But I think it's really time. I need to have some outlets.

It's been a good year. I've learned a lot, I've felt healthier than I have in a long time. I feel blessed.

Living

So I'm getting out there and starting to live again. I'm actually wanting to do this. This year has been a good year, and I think next year will be just as good. I'm starting to be with people and want to be with them. I'm starting to trust again. I'm starting to want to really know people, to look beyond what they present to the world and go behind their curtains. And it doesn't feel that scary. This is such a good thing, I think. What does life hold? I don't know, but breathing and living again is a good thing.

9/11

Many, no most, of the blogs that I follow have something about the 10th anniversary of 9/11 today. It is a time to remember-those who died in sacrifice and to an unmentionable evil. I have seen many TV programs today remembering that horrible day, and the same feeling I had then floods back to me. It was such a feeling of hopelessness to see the two towers go down on TV and know there was not a thing I could do about it from my home. I remember my mom calling me that morning. I had actually been out walking with my four month old twins and had not seen or heard about the first tower until I got back and received my mom's phone call. I couldn't believe what she was telling me. I immediately turned the TV on and shortly saw the second plane hit the second tower. I actually thought it was a re-play of the first plane and tower and was shocked when I found out it wasn't. When the towers went down it was so devastating. I had previously visited NYC and had driven by the towers. One cannot imagine how massive these buildings were. To think of all of those people in an instant, dead. As everyone knows, it was beyond depressing.

And our country was sent into a tailspin that I think it is still just crawling out of. I truly believe our economic status is a result in part due to that fateful day. But we hopefully are crawling out of it. I guess my hope would be that we continue to go forward, to thrive. We will forever be different, but I hope we are not forever defeated.

My daughter recently shared a conversation with me about a couple of girls at her school who snottily had told her that she wore too much pink. This hurt my daughter and caused her to doubt herself. As a result, she has stopped wearing so much pink. I told her that if she loves pink, she needs to keep wearing, to tell those girls that it's her body, not theirs and she will wear pink if she wants to. I told her if she stops doing what she wants and being who she is, then she lets these bullies win. This is a simplistic, juvenile comparison; but one I hope we Americans can take to heart. Keep going, keep being the wonderful nation that we are. Provide for each other, care for each other, support and love each other. Stand up for each other. Don't tear each other down. Don't let the bullies win.

What a Three Weeks

School has been in session for three weeks, and I have a cold! This is almost unheard of for me. But this year we have budget cuts. So, that means because the district closed some schools that we have more kids and more teachers. So, we're sharing rooms and computers and spaces. Also, the custodians have been cut, so they don't sweep our rooms everyday (can you believe that?). It's gross. They already were not cleaning off the desks (which are filled with icky, yucky middle school germs). Not sweeping the floors is utterly disgusting. All of this equals sickness being spread. So, I have a cold, along with every other teacher in the building. I guess I'm going to have to arm myself with a constant supply of hand sanitizer.

On a brighter note, my students are great! Yay! I'm sorry, but I do feel like I deserve this this year. My 8th graders last year were my own personal nightmare, and I had them for 7th grade too. So, cheers to me.

Despite the germs and crowded halls, I think this is going to be a good year. The atmosphere is a little different, because some of the students who transferred over think that it's unfair that they have to be at this school instead of their old school. But I think after this year that will blow over. Here's hoping for a fantastic year!

I Don't Want This Burden Anymore

Do you ever have an issue or struggle that you just can't get rid of? You pray about it, you wrestle with it, you say "no more," but it's always there in the back of your head, getting its tentacles into your heart. It is like the heaviest backpack that you cannot take off. Why is that? What is it about that particular struggle that makes it nearly impossible to get rid of? Is it denial? Do you think the struggle is going to end up the way you want? Is it because you've gotten used to the feeling of the struggle? Maybe you just have to get so sick of yourself, because you've held on to the struggle so long. I am usually a person who continues inner struggles for a long time. I hate that about myself. It's not something that I admire about myself, but it is something I just unconsciously, habitually do. I think I go through all the stages associated with grief when I go through letting go of a struggle. I go through bargaining, anger, denial, sadness (I think I'm missing a stage.) until I come to acceptance. Then one day I wake up, and I say okay, that's it, I'm done.

I recently earnestly prayed about my struggle, just asking what God wanted. Whatever He wanted, I just needed to know so that I could go forward. God is always good to let me know. Sometimes He lets me know right away, sometimes it's awhile before I get to know. I always love it when it's sudden and dramatic, because then I have absolutely no doubts as to what God wants me to do. But that usually only happens when I'm in dire circumstances that need to be remedied immediately. This time God was pretty quick, but He was gradual. He let me see things through things I read or saw on TV or the movies. He'd show me these things then would say, "Now what do you think? I think you already know and have known for quite awhile." And He's right, I have. So, that's when I start steps. And I put things in order so that I don't look back that way again. And it's okay, I don't feel the need to anymore. I'm just so ready to go forward with a new chapter in my life without that burden on my back.

I love the Foo Fighters' song, "Walk" because it exemplifies this so perfectly: "I'm learning to walk again, I believe I've waited long enough...I'm learning to talk again, Don't you see I've waited long enough..." That's how I feel. I've waited long enough on this struggle, and I'm walking again, walking away from this struggle and not looking back.