Thoughts of Summer

This is the time of year when I start to yearn for summer! This is when I start to feel the pressure of assessments coming up, when I start to wonder if I'm a good teacher. Sometimes I feel like I'm about to jump out of my skin and run my fingers down my whiteboard in my classroom (it doesn't quite have the same effect as a chalk board, though). The students ask the same questions over and over. I tell them to do tasks, and they still do not put their names on their papers, they still ask me to explain something right after I've explained it. Insolence starts to abound. I've seen one too many teenager's sullen eyes looking back at me. I've heard one too many whiney voice ask me why they have to complete the assignment. I've been to one too many meetings, wondering why I'm there, wishing I could be in my classroom, grading the mounds of work that I have to do. There are so many aspects of teaching that have nothing to do with teaching. This year I've just felt all I have taught is assessments. And I'm not sure the students have gotten it as well as I would like them to have.

I'm thoroughly convinced that this is why summer was invented, for teachers. I can hear all of the rantings and ravings from the public now, criticism of what cushy jobs teachers have. But summer is what lets a teacher come back to teaching. A teacher needs those two and half months to forget. It's like childbirth. A mother forgets about what it was like, and she has another child (so I'm told; I had twins and that was way enough for me. I haven't forgotten.). After summer, I kind of forgot about the pressures and irritations of the year before. I actually get excited and psyched for the upcoming year. I actually start to miss it.

So, I'm starting the countdown. I've got three months. I think I'm going to make it.

Why Am I Frustrated

I took my kids to my son's pinewood derby race tonight. This should have probably been a fun evening but ended up being a frustrating night. First of all, it was a cub scout event. I hate to say it, but most of the time this is very boring to me. I take my son, because he's in it. But I usually leave this to his father, because it's not my thing. But his dad was out of town tonight, so I decided I would take my son.

My son and my daughter both made a car with their dad. Supposedly the cars were fine. They just needed to be weighed to make sure that they qualified. Luckily, that part was taken care of. My dad took them to weigh the cars. Thank goodness, because my brain literally, and I am not exaggerating, cannot think in that mechanical way. It's not pretty when I try to put anything together. It never works. But, I forgot to add that before they went to weigh the cars, my son had taken his car out, raced it across my living room floor, slamming it into the baseboard. I don't know if the wheel was not put on correctly or if he just slammed the dickens out of it, but the wheel fell off. I was horrified. I could not get it back on. So, I sent it with my dad, hoping he could get it on. I guess he could not, because when they came back from the weighing it had been decided that my son and daughter would "share" my daughter's car. In other words, they would enter my daughter's car under my son's name. Any awards would be given to my son, but my daughter would get to share the trophy.

Let me say that this was a horrible idea. Sometimes my dad does not think. Actually, a lot of times when it comes to kids, he does not think. I love him, bless his heart, I really appreciate that he helped me out, but he does not think. When the wheel would not fit back on, he probably should have said, even though my son would have been upset, that Samuel was not going to be able to race. Consequently, Sofie would not be able to race either. If I'd known he would not be able to get the wheel on, I would have said that to them before they even left for the weighing. Sharing a car does not work with nine year old twins.

So, even though my son did not place for speed, he won Most Patriotic Car. Or rather, I should say that my daughter won. Even though she had agreed to be generous, she also wanted some of the glory, and why shouldn't she? She actually did win. So, as we're leaving the derby, I'm stuck with two kids arguing over who is going to have the car and trophy in their room tonight. And frankly, I don't know what to do. I'm stumped, I see both sides. And I'm frustrated because I don't know what to do, and I don't have anyone else to turn to. There is no partner to say, "What should we do with these arguing kids?" Talk about frustration. So I ended up telling them both to be quiet, that I would keep the car and trophy tonight, and to go up and get the pajamas on and go to bed. Not my best parenting moment.

It's hard. I try to be perfect parent. I know that's not really possible, but I always give the 110 % try. I when I don't hit it or when I miss it by so much, it is frustrating. It could really get me on a downward spiral, thinking of all the things I don't have and all the things that I am not.

The other side of this coin is that I spent two and half hours in a gymnasium bored out of my gourd, surrounded by a lot of nerdy cub scout fathers and their wives who think that they're still "all that" when they are so not "all that". I can't tell if they were popular in high school and think that they're still there, or they weren't popular in high school and are trying to live out that popularity now. But they make me crazy. It's all I can do to attend a function and have to be near them. I was not interested in this when I was in high school, I really don't want to be around it now. My kids' school is really bad with the cliquey moms. So that definitely did not help my mood.

As I told my daughter, I'm ready for this day to be over and start a new one tomorrow!

Pioneer Woman

The snow has finally arrived in KC! And thankfully, our school district called a snow day. I felt like , what my mom used to call, a pioneer woman. I got out the shovel and shoveled my entire drive not once, but twice. I admit, I am wiped out now; but, what a feeling! It is so liberating to take care of myself and to do what needs to be done. I love being an independent woman. It is such a liberating feeling to know I can do these things. I used to feel like the damsel in distress, always wanting someone to take care of me. But I am now evolved into... a pioneer woman.

Sweet Independence

Can I tell you how great it is to be single and independent? It's a secret that single people seem to keep quiet. It's actually quite funny because all of the couples seem to look at us single people and pity us or think how do they handle being alone? But what they don't seem to know is that we like being alone. I like it because I have such freedom. I can do and say whatever I want without consulting anyone. I am not subject to another person's judgment. I don't have to worry about my thoughts, opinions, or personality being subject to another. Marriage was not a friend to me. Don't get me wrong if Prince Charming swept down and looked longingly into my eyes, I probably would give it a try. But my heart was given long, long ago. And it has not found that soul mate since. So, I relish my freedom and look with pity at people I know who are married, knowing they don't have the independence that I do.

The Night Before Christmas

I just picked my kids up from their dad's. I have them from now until New Year's Eve. I've really missed them. It's just the best feeling in the world to see the delight on their faces because they see me. I can't describe how it feels to have my daughter say as soon as she takes her coat off, "Come here and give me a hug!" I can just tell they're so glad to see me, and I'm so glad to see them. I can't wait to see them open their presents tomorrow and to feel their delight. There's nothing like it. These are the moments that make life good. It makes any other petty thing that may happen melt away and not even be worth my time.

Ahhh!

It's so great to have a break from work! But I have to leave with an example of middle school humor. One of my sweet, innocent 7th grade girls gave the teachers a present of toffee covered peanuts in a pretty bag. She gave me my bag and must have left the others in my room. She came back later when I had a class of 8th graders and said something about looking for her bag of nuts. She got what she needed and left. The whole time one of the boys in the front row has a grin on his face and is looking around the room, looking like he's thinking, "Did she really say what I think she said?!" After she leaves he say, "Bag of nuts! Huh, huh, huh." What do you do but laugh a little yourself and move on? It's a good thing I like this kind of immature behavior. What a crazy job I have!

I Don't Want to Go Back!

I cannot believe I have to go back to school tomorrow! Can you believe that our district has us going back Monday and Tuesday? It's pure torture. I feel like I'm already on break. But tomorrow morning at 6:00am, I will remember that this weekend was just a cruel joke.

So, tomorrow the students will come. It is what I call a "fun day". And yes, I do use the quotes purposefully. We always have a crazy schedule with fun stuff for the kids to do. The schedule is different every year, so it sends the teachers into a bit of a tizzy. Usually 3-5 different versions of the schedule are sent out before the day. And the final schedule is sent out in the late afternoon the day before the actual event. I have learned to role with these days and schedules. There are many teachers in our building who are power players and who have influence in these things. I am not one of them, neither do I want to be. The first year I was at my school this kind of thing drove me crazy. I never knew what was going on, and I always felt out of control. I still don't know what's going on until it is happening. But I don't feel out of control. I just don't care. It amuses me that so many of the same teachers still care over and over again every year. Basically, all I want to do is teach and try to get those crazy kids to learn. Although, I will say that this year's schedule is really hard to decipher. I'm going to have to really sit down tomorrow morning and put my thinking cap on.

Then Tuesday will be a frantic grading of 7th grade projects and 8th grade final papers. I really don't want to take anything home over the holiday. When I'm at work I'm all about work. But when I come home I need a break. Besides, they don't pay me enough to work at home.

I'll be fortifying myself!